NEW TAPES

 by Rev. Leo Booth

When we talk about change we are inferring that growth will come once we’re willing to examine (or re-examine) our thinking and behavior to help us decide if we are still thinking the same way or what we might need to change. This is the creation of new tapes. I’m reminded of a saying attributed to Socrates: "An unexamined life is not worth living."

Why do we need new tapes?

Recovery is deciding on a new way to live and behave, fomenting change, hence new tapes to live by. But even people who are not in recovery usually find life is always delivering new lessons that inevitably lead to change—again...new tapes.

The world is evolving and we are constantly being presented with new insights from science, technology and medicine that affect the alcoholic and the recovering community. Forty years ago people weren’t talking about co-dependency. Today we have gained new insights into sex addiction, love addiction and sexual anorexia. Life brings change and new ideas. New tapes. So I would like us to consider three areas where I believe considerable changes have been made.

The God question

At one time, nobody really questioned what each denominational church said; Roman Catholics followed direction as did Methodists, Episcopalians and Baptists. In the last thirty years, new ideas were presented concerning abortion, women in the priesthood and homosexuality. Arguments questioned the old line of thinking; a state of confusion entered into the "orthodox" thinking, change clearly emerged in some communities. Metaphysical churches who argued for human partnership with God emerged. Positive thinking was based on the idea that human beings need to take responsibility for their actions and not simply rely on God’s grace. Books like The Road Less Traveled, Conversations with God and The Four Agreements provided a different emphasis upon God’s dealing with the world—new tapes.

The Twelve Step program was initiated before these discussions had begun and many people who are in recovery balance an emphasis on God doing for us what we could not do for ourselves, with the concept of prayer— but we must move our feet. The conversation concerning God’s involvement with those in recovery is still happening. I find it helpful to remember that God wants us sober but we must also want it. I don’t believe God makes us get sober!

Relationships

At one time people stayed in marriages for better or worse. I still hear women say it is their duty to obey their husbands. But domestic violence has forced us to reconsider the nature of a marriage...indeed the nature of a relationship.

Does God really want us to stay in a violent relationship, or have a mother watch a child being abused? We need to remember sometimes men are violated. Should children have to witness this? Violence is not acceptable in any relationship.

The concept of divorce for Christian men and women is something that must be faced in the practice of out faith. It is no longer anathema. In most cases where mental, physical or emotional violence is involved, it is preferred.

Why does this have a reference for the recovering community? Because violence often is a symptom of alcohol or drug addiction. And the spiritual answer is often to "get out."

Concerning relationships, a new tape is emerging concerning the gay community. Many homosexuals are in long term relationships and worship together in their churches or synagogues. Priests and ministers greet the couples at the church door. Most clergy are supportive. It is a new tape for our society. Some of us, and I include myself, feel that gay marriage should be an all-state institution.

Spirituality

The insights that have sprung from the recovering community are incredible. Affirmation books, daily meditations and the many spiritual books affirm healthy living in every area of life.

Recovering people know from their experience at meetings, that spirituality is not the same as religion. All religions and none are found at Twelve Step meetings. Muslims, Christians, Jews and atheists all hold hands.

The definition I have used for spirituality is being a positive and creative human being. It is the golden thread that unites every human being. It speaks to our inclusiveness as a human family.

All the above reflect new tapes that we are living with, or slowly taking under consideration. It is a different world than our parents knew…and it is exciting.